BREAKING: TAR HEEL NATION IN CHAOS AS SUPERFAN DECLARES ANTAWN JAMISON “MY FAVORITE PLAYER TO EVER WEAR CAROLINA BLUE,” INSISTS MICHAEL JORDAN STILL GOAT
CHAPEL HILL, NC – At approximately 2:43 a.m. Eastern Standard Time, X user @LightskinYams detonated a thermonuclear take that has left the entire North Carolina basketball diaspora in a state of existential crisis.
“Michael Jordan will ALWAYS be my favorite player ever,” the 28-year-old posted alongside a grainy 1998 photo of Antawn Jamison posterizing some poor Wake Forest forward. “But I was literally in Pampers when MJ was at UNC. I never got to live it. The player I grew up screaming for in Carolina blue? The one who made me fall in love with Tar Heel basketball? That’s Antawn Jamison. Full stop.”
Within minutes the timeline erupted like Franklin Street after a Duke loss.
The original thread, now at 1.7 million impressions and climbing, continued:
“1998 Antawn Jamison averaged 22.2 points and 10.2 rebounds.
Wooden Award. Naismith Award. AP Player of the Year. First-Team All-American.
Led the ACC in scoring.
Dropped 35 in the ACC Tournament on Maryland.
Had a 30-20 game against Clemson like it was casual Tuesday.
Carried a freshman Vince Carter on his broad shoulders and almost won a national title.
Y’all can keep romanticizing 1982 all you want. I was alive for 1998. That man was MY superhero in argyle.”
Eyewitnesses report that Dean Dome security cameras captured a single tear rolling down the Michael Jordan statue outside at 3:11 a.m. (unconfirmed).
Reaction from the Carolina family has been… mixed.
– Roy Williams, reached at his home at 4:05 a.m., simply whispered “I need to sit down” and hung up.
– Vince Carter reposted the thread with the eyes emoji and nothing else, sending the internet into a tailspin.
– Tyler Hansbrough quote-tweeted with “Respect. But also… psychobilly freckles forever.”
– A Duke fan account attempted to troll and was ratio’d so violently that their account has reportedly entered witness protection.
Antawn Jamison himself went live on Instagram at sunrise wearing a retro #33 jersey, visibly emotional.
“Man… somebody finally said it out loud,” the 2004 NBA Sixth Man of the Year laughed. “I love Mike. Everybody loves Mike. Mike is the reason I came to Carolina. But I’ve had people tell me for twenty-five years they couldn’t say I was their favorite Tar Heel because it felt like blasphemy. Little man @LightskinYams just freed a whole generation. I’m buying him dinner. Hell, I’m buying him the restaurant.”
The take has already spawned merchandise. By 9:00 a.m., a Chapel Hill screen printer had “I WAS A BABY WHEN MJ PLAYED AT UNC – ANTAWN IS MY TAR HEEL GOAT” shirts flying off the racks faster than free Bojangles after a win.
Academic fallout has been immediate. UNC’s History department has announced an emergency symposium titled “Revisiting the 1995-98 Era: Was Antawn Jamison Actually the Peak of Carolina Basketball?” Scheduled speakers include Dr. Jay Smith, a tearful Kenny Smith, and one very confused Dean Smith hologram.
Meanwhile, the Jordan Brand issued a brief statement: “Michael respects all eras of Carolina Basketball and has no comment at this time other than ‘Tell Antawn I still owe him $20 from a 1996 card game.’”
On Franklin Street, students have begun an impromptu candlelight vigil (half in mourning for the perceived slight against Jordan, half in celebration of finally being allowed to admit they secretly liked Antawn more).
One sophomore, holding a sign that reads “I TOO WAS BORN IN 1996,” told reporters, “I’ve been lying for nineteen years. Every time someone asked my favorite Tar Heel I panicked and said ‘Jordan obviously.’ But deep down? It was always Antawn in that Final Four run. I feel seen. I feel attacked. I feel alive.”
As of 11:00 a.m., @LightskinYams has gained 47,000 followers, received a verified checkmark, and reportedly turned down an $80,000 brand deal from a lactose-free milk company because “Antawn never quit on the glass and neither will I.”
This is a developing story. Tar Heel Twitter remains on suicide watch. Duke fans remain insufferable. And somewhere, a grown man in a #33 jersey is finally free.
Back to you in the studio.
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